can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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