im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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