Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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