My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
