dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
