I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
