haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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