I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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