My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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