whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
