Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
