Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We named our party play list daddy issues
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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