MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
