I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
as a side note pls kill me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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