you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
