it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wish there were birth control emojis
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
