I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
