I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Farmville is her only friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
