based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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