So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
