he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i came on her dog
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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