THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
