his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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