he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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