I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
