i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
