I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
