i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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