I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
