If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
