haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
