so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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