I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
