so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
