During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My penis needs a shock collar
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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