Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
should my penis look like a turkey
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
