I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I could make wine with my vomit
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
