He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This house was built for laser tag.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize