I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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