i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
