Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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