I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
