I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
