Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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