I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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