Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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