I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just cropdusted the office
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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