there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
