I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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