my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
