Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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