i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
