Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
