im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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