the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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