i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
