just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
