Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My dick has a subreddit
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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