I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
