He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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