How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
