remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
