What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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