Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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