I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
