Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So much rum. So many feels.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
